“Penfold, have you finished your writing assignment yet?”
“Umm…yes?” I look down at my desk and see a piece of paper with my writing on it.
“Well hand it to me you insolent brat!”
“All right, jeez. Here you go.” The teacher roughly snatched the paper from my hands and began to read.
“Penfold, Penfold, Penfold. You continually amaze me. This chicken scratch is some of the worst writing I’ve ever seen! If it were in my power, I’d have you remanded all the way back to remedial English. Look at this!? Your grammar is astoundingly bad, even for a dimwit like you. Seriously, how do you expect to graduate fifth grade and move onto middle school if you can’t figure out where to put an apostrophe to properly indicate possession?”
“Wait…did you say sixth grade?”
“What’s the matter Penfold? Is simple addition beyond your grasp too? I’ll tell you what. If you can write down five convincing arguments in the next three minutes as to why I shouldn’t fail you right now, I’ll let you graduate. Sound good?”
I was so emotionally devastated at that moment I couldn’t speak. My response was limited to a half-hearted nod. I set about my task with a sense of impending doom. To my dismay every time I tried to write something my utensil failed. Pens ran out of ink after one letter, or the ballpoint collapsed in on itself. Pencils snapped or shattered. Markers went bone dry. Crayons dissolved into fine grains. All the paint tubes around my desk had been squeezed flat and were empty. When I reached for the watercolors in desperation I was unable to find a water-source, or even manufacture enough spittle to wet the brush. At the three minute mark I was left with a patchwork of multicolored letters scattered randomly across two sheets of paper. The teacher triumphantly tore the papers off my desk.
“Let’s see what you’ve come up with Penfold. Hmmm? In three minutes time it appears the only thing you can effectively demonstrate is command of less than half of the individual letters of the alphabet. Truly, I’m in awe of your genius! Can I have your autograph? Wait, it doesn’t appear that you know the letter X so it looks like that’s not possible. Too bad. But on the positive side, I’ll have all next year to get that autograph because you’re not going anywhere. Forget graduation. Be thankful if you only have to repeat fifth grade!”
Waveriders, I’m here to tell you that waking up screaming and flailing your limbs wildly in a cold sweat is never fun. Thankfully after this particular nightmare I was able to quickly banish all negative thoughts under a deluge of awesome tunes. What artist provided this elixir you ask? Why, it’s Ryan-O’Neil with his album Hyphenated and Apostrophed. How did that work exactly? Oh that’s easy to explain. Hyphenated and Apostrophed is a multi-faceted explosion of lyrical goodness that will steer fans of intelligent music from whatever stormy seas they’ve run afoul of back to the calm, placid waters of musical enlightenment! Pretty cool, huh?
Ryan-O’Neil is a talented emcee born in Jamaica, but who has lived in New York City since early 1994. His musical education is impressive, boasting a bachelor’s degree in music from Hobart and William Smith Colleges. You could confidently proclaim that he knows his way around a song’s composition. Now I know what you’re going to say waveriders. All the training and accreditations in the world don’t mean a thing if the end product doesn’t measure up. I agree with that statement wholeheartedly! And based on his music, Ryan-O’Neil does as well.
I mentioned before that this album is multi-faceted lyrically. That wasn’t a joke. With few exceptions, all hip-hop heads can find at least one track off of Hyphenated & Apostrophed that they can really get behind and enjoy. Are you in the mood for a bouncy, straight up battle rap? Try album opener “Knock Knock”. Not your thing? That’s okay. Are you more interested in music addressing society’s ills? Cool! Just skip to track two, “The Way the World Is”. Not interested in the big problems? That’s all right. I know! You’re in the mood to hear a sophisticated entreaty towards a prospective love interest. Great! Take a listen to “Treat me so Bad”. Still not finding something that tickles your fancy? Fine. I bet you would like to hear a captivating storyline told from multiple angles. Would that be to your liking? I thought so. Listen to the devastating album closer “Perspectives”. You’re welcome.
At this point, I’m going to step aside and let the actual lyrics do the talking. My flattery can only go so far in convincing others of the artistic merit held within these songs. So without further ado, straight from the artist’s mouth, here is the third verse from the song “The Way the World Is”.
There’s a war going on in a sandbox / Leaders acting like they big dogs, it’s a sandlot / The world’s in a mess but yes we can stop / The hole in the ozone so it ain’t so hot /
No stop I’m not trying to be your next president / Ain’t on the ballot, not quite legit I’m not valid / ‘Cause I wasn’t born in this country / But if I wanna go to war they take me promptly / Situation’s comfy, immigrant’s a scapegoat / If you want a job done but don’t want to pay for it / Why outsource it while we got a source of workhorses / Right here in the workforce? / And it’s growing like moss on the North side of trees / Of course I can see how some folks just can’t cope with ease / Well let’s face it, when we get down to the basics / None of y’all are natives / We all on vacation / I’m wasted /
Pretty slick, eh? But that’s not all. How about this smooth first verse from “Treat me so Bad”.
Just to court you, one must first approach you / I had to let you know that I am quite social / So I talk a lot and mingle / Yeah I’m single, see I made you giggle / And I talk in riddles / It’s this thing that I’m into / A fling sounds sinful/ A ring? / It’s much too early / Let’s get to know each other, there’s no need for us to hurry / Baby don’t worry, I’ll cook you curry once I learn it / Stick with me in the kitchen just to make sure I don’t burn it / It’s turning the tide, I can see it in your eyes / You done seen through all these lies, and games played by these guys / And lames they want dimes and dames, I want a lady / We can make war or make babies, yeah / The world’s gone crazy, so maybe I’m an optimist / Once we get together, you know there ain’t no stopping us / Disregard the populous, the majority they hate us / The schemers try to play us, they don’t want us to be greatness.
As impressive as these lyrics are when written out, they are even more so when performed with Ryan-O’Neil’s rhythmically solid lyrical flow. To put it mildly, this man is a disgustingly entertaining lyricist and performer. To top it all off, there is no barrier to entry to check out this album. Yes sir, you can download Hyphenated and Apostrophed for free on either www.freeicecream.net or Ryan-O’Neil’s bandcamp page. So why are you still here? Get listening people!
--Penfold